Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
