here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
