Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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