Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
