You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
