My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
