im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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