So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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