I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
as a side note pls kill me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
