Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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