I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
