Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
