I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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