i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
