he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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