you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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