You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
