When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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