Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
