Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
