I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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