i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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