Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
