It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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