How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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