The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
