I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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