We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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