i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
