You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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