I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
