Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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