i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
