i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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