You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
