i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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