one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
