I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
