atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
