I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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