Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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