This is not my ceiling
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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