I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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