i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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