imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
