She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
