it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
