Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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