it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
