as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
