Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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