you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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