I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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