Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
