all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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