My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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