i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
