Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
