When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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