No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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