It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
