Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
