I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Boobs are out for the taking
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
