if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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