I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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