Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
