I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
