Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
