Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just invented taco cereal.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we're so committed to being not committed
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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