my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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