it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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