its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
