she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
