But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
