after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
