I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
