So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
