I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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