Cold hands, warm shart.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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