I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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