take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
