finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
