Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
