its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
