He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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