Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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