Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
