Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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