I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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