Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
