Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
