Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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